conversations, office

Teen Coffee Aur Chaku

Yet another random conversation at work today.

LooksGayButClaimsHeIsn’t: Hi baby!

ILoveGayBoys: Hi.

(Insert some indecipherable blabber in Bengali here.)

LooksGayButClaimsHeIsn’t: You have really soft hands (grabbing ILoveGayBoys’ hands).

ILoveGayBoys (secretly liking it): Chhee! Let go of me!

Me: This could construe as sexual harassment in the workplace you know. ILoveGayBoys, you should throw our Code of Conduct book at him!

LooksGayButClaimsHeIsn’t: Dude she’s my wife!

Me: She’s my bachchi! You can’t sexually harass her…

ILoveGayBoys: So sweet…

Me: …at least not in here! I have no issues if you harass her outside office!

ILoveGayBoys: Samit!!!

(A revelation strikes me.)

Me: NOW I get it! Now I understand why you guys have such cool chemistry!!!

ILoveGayBoys & LooksGayButClaimsHeIsn’t: Why?

Me: There’s a reason I’ve chosen your blog nicknames you know…

(A revelation strikes them. Protesting cries emanate.)

Me (ignoring everything): BTW, what do you call a slutty Bong chick?

(Everyone waits.)

Me: A Bonk! Get it! Hahahahahaha!

SpaceCadet (letting go of Second Life for a rare moment): What? What do you call a warped Bong chick?

Me: No, no! That answer’s either SpaceCadet or ILoveGayBoys!

(Now I’m surrounded by two angry Bong girls and one angry alleged Bong guy.)

ILoveGayBoys: But that’s true ya! SpaceCadet is so spaced out!

Me: Yes, I always imagine her with a bubble around her head.

(SpaceCadet gives me a dirty look.)

Me: Earth to SpaceCadet! Earth to SpaceCadet!

SpaceCadet (spacing out): Hey, does anyone want some sponge cake?

(Three chimes of “Yes!”)

LooksGayButClaimsHeIsn’t: I’ll call for a knife!

Me: And coffee!

ILoveGayBoys & SpaceCadet: Coffee!

LooksGayButClaimsHeIsn’t (on the phone to the canteen): Pick up, you wankers! Hello, haan, Samit ke yahaan teen coffee aur chaku bhejna, ILoveGayBoys ka birthday hai, cake aur boss ko kaatna hai!

Me (in splits): Teen coffee aur chaku! Hahahahahaha! (Joined by others.)

SpaceCadet: That should be a film title man!

PS: For all those who may ask, “What is the insight here?” I reply, “Ad agency folks have really random conversations.”

PPS: Teen = Three. Aur = And. Chaku = Knife. Bhejna = Send. All non-Indians and ABCDs, you’re welcome.


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